Whilst No One Was Looking

Posted on Mon Aug 9th, 2021 @ 12:35am by Bar'soon'fo'da'gree'nars

Mission: S2:3: Snow Drift
Location: Medina Level, 'Em-Bar-See'
Timeline: MD 3 8AM

"You know...I think people around here forget the civic responsibilities that weigh upon me."

Bar'soon didn't say this to anyone of note. In fact, within the 'Em-bar-see' the only other living soul was a Rish layabout by the name 'Keg'. Bar'soon assumed this was a name given to him for his impressive ability to consume his own body mass in alcohol, a feat he'd accomplished the night before too much applause before passing out.

Bar'soon stood up from weaving a blanket out of kitchen towels, and admired his handy work. Not only was Keg mostly hidden beneath the absorbent material, but the weave also gave it a rustic homespun look to it. He then looked around the rest of the bar, his little kingdom, and made note of the other covered forms. He then looked at the empty roll of towels in his hands: blood, vomit, spilt drinks and 'processed' drinks, these towels really did make short work of them all.

He stepped around a figure whose head had been buried in towels, the better to soak up the copious amounts of blood oozing from a truly shattered nose.

'You're a failure Bar'soon'.

He froze. He knew that voice. That shrill, accusatory tone of motherly warmth that stayed a good arms distance from the concern most mammals had for their offspring. He turned his head sharply towards the bar top, his ears flinging around to pelt him in the face. The burning green skull of his mother rested on the bar, guttering embers dancing in eye socks that lacked eyebrows and yet still glowered at him.

The rightful ruler of Shioshimi and all its celestial companions did not scream. It was a high pitched battle cry oft practised in times of stress, and it was what he was going to stick to.

'HA! Your brother Jo'forrs was made of sterner stuff. He knew how to handle the unexpected.'

"Yes well he never expected to die from a tragic gardening accident," Bar'soon shot back. Arranging the taunt hose line right next to the wood chipper had taken some doing. And it had helped when he'd carried his bludgeoned brothers past it, tripping on the hose, and depositing said brother into a device that promptly aerosolised him.

The roses had bloomed spectacularly that year.

'Yes, well...' the skull looked contrite. 'At least he was killed by someone of his own class, and not ousted by common muck about day labourers!'

"I'll have you know it was my brothers and sisters, all of them, who banded together to oust me from my rightful throne!" Bar'soon snapped, hopping over a sleeping body and slamming his hands down on the bar top.

'A throne I was seated on until my spontaneous and totally 'natural' combustion.' the skull said dryly.

"Look you ate the tart and eating it is a totally natural method of ingestion. Fool on you for not realising it was a 'just dessert'!" Bar'soon cackled.

'...a what? A 'just dessert'? What does that even mean?'

"It human saying. I'm trying to fit in, learn their lingo, gain their trust."

'And then betray them for your own advancement?'

"Oh of course, after all, mommy you did teach me very well. I still remember the look on my first fathers face when he woke up in a coma. Still not sure how he did that, but you could tell he knew that poison was made with love," Bar'soon sighed, crossing his arms and resting his head on them as he looked at the skull.

'You are such a good boy, so kind to your mother,' the skull crooned. 'Anyway, just wanted to pop in and see how you were doing. Pass along the news that your sister, Ju'hurrra is expecting....again. Hoping for a girl this time.'

"She could field an entire mercenary company at the rate she's going," he mused.

'She plans to use her familial connections to weigh any votes that need passing in her favour. It's so much easier to rig an election when only families vote. But I thought you'd want to know.'

"It kindness I appreciate. When you see her next, let her know I hope she names her newborn child after me, her leige."

'I will. Goooood byyyyyeeeee....'

Bar'soon sighed, leaned back from the bar and then tried to scrub the chemical charring stains from the bar top with the cardboard tube of towels. Maybe one of the blood-soaked one's would do better?